What’s Happening to Me?

This is a hard thing for me to share, because 17 year olds don’t usually have these thoughts…  But well, here goes:

It started this year.  An irresistible urge to adopt 6 children and be a mom.

A cool mom.  The kind that is loving and nurturing, challenging and inspirational…

And then it hit me:  large families, like the Duggars, don’t eat great.  They buy subpar food in bulk and use styrofoam plates.  Both of my parents cook, I have high standards.  So I thought and thought.  And then I thought, if I grow my own organic food, then I can feed all my kids, and still eat well.



So now I’m going to be a farmer.

Anyone know how I can become a farmer…?


Adventures in Bugland

I went to register, and now, I am officially a Bardian!!  That means I’ll be a college student next fall.  It’s hard to believe…

Actually, yesterday, I was feeling quite overwhelmed about it all; graduating, having to learn to drive this summer, finding a job, taking 4 classes next semester…  What if all this work of applying was for naught?  What if I turned out to be a horrible college student?

And as I sat there wallowing in my hopelessness, I saw a little ant.  It was dragging along the carcass of another insect easily five times its size.  There was no anthill in site, so I assumed that that ant was going to have to keep dragging that other bug a looooong way.


But he didn’t seem tired, and he didn’t seem to be thing This is just too hard for me!  He kept at it.

So I decided that I should take after this ant, and follow his example.  I continued watching him, my admiration growing every minute, as he struggling but persevered, dragging his load over, under, and around many obstacles.

And then, he began to approach a grate.


As he did, I wondered if he knew that it was behind him.  But I had faith that he would have some strange insect intuition and figure how to overcome this next obstacle.  Unfortunately it was then that he dragged the corpse a little too close to one of the holes and it fell in.

At first it seemed like he would save it!  He was still holding on to it, but it was dangling down, and the weight was too much, so he dropped it.

He wandered away, sans cargo, looking very confused.

Sometimes you work really hard for something and you still don’t reach your goal.  Well, it was a metaphor, but not the one I was looking for!  Somehow it reassured me though.

Some people (me) just worry and worry.  But in the end, nothing is certain.

You just have to push forward into the unknown and hope for the best.

In The End

It’s that terrible time, where I must now turn down all colleges I won’t be attending.

And it’s hard because one of those colleges was actually my favorite.  But in the end, it’s what one can afford that determines one’s college decision.

Sure, I love the college that I am choosing (Bard) but I am also sad that I couldn’t accept the offer of my favorite college (Williams).  In my opinion, a college should not accept someone if they don’t meet that student’s financial need.  Crazy, I know.

I’m fine, though.  I’m at peace, and I am so happy and proud to have gotten into the colleges that I did.  Some people do not have that opportunity.

I also have the advantage of really knowing Bard from the inside, since I have been taking classes there for two years, and I am absolutely sure that I will get a pretty equal education to Williams (except without the name).  Williams also has a semester-at-sea program to which any undergraduate can apply, so I will definitely take advantage of that, hehehe.

I can’t wait to be a college student!!!



Blessing in Disguise

Salvete Amici,

So today I got an email that began “We regret to inform you…”

And it turned out that I didn’t get into the summer vocal arts program I was hoping to. But you know what? I was kind of hoping that would happen.

Yeah, it was sad for a while, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized, that this was a good turn of events.

That program is seven weeks long, and now I’ll have more of the summer to chill, swim, and learn to drive.  I’ll also get to apply for a camp counselor job at amath camp which was at the same time.

Yays!  Not only that, but getting rejected from this camp (which was a super competitive camp anyway) will prepare me for colleges that reject me in the very near future.


Anyway.  Time to get back to studying :p